Banyak Susah Untuk Cinta

When I was young, compared to my other friends, I was more of a romantic person. Always dreaming for the day I could have a girlfriend. Like I was always desperate for love. Always wanting to find and understand, to feel what love is. Not a family love, not a friend love, but a romantic love. Well, things happen and school life comes and goes. 

2010, college was when I wanted to explore and be rebellious. There weren't many Christian girls hence I just tried my 'luck' but again, no dice. There was one potential girl but I made a mistake and that too never happened. 

When I started to work in 2016, life became quieter. No more peers, no meeting new people, and this continued on till 2019 when I thought I had met a nice girl but that too was fruitless.

Over the course of the MCO due to Covid 19, I tried going online dating to find a potential partner. However, over the course of 1 1/2 years, I gave up. People online did not seem genuine. Now here I am pondering why am I still single.

It came to me that God most likely protected me. Now. I'm not saying all the girls I meet are bad. It's just that the majority were non-Christians which definitely goes against God's law to be equally yoke. Furthermore, some left the faith, some were never faithful and some are only Christian by name.

With that being said, as I grew older, I realized that loving someone is not just about lovey-dovey and romance. It is more than that. A Christian relationship is a covenant between man and God. It is a serious matter. It is with a great purpose and plan made by God. Having a partner of an equal yoke will allow the family, the love, and the future prospect of the family to have a firm foundation in Christ.

1 Corinthians 13

New King James Version

The Greatest Gift

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal. 

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing.

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 

5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 

6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8 Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. 

9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part. 

10 But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.

11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 

12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

13 And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

We all know this great verse. It's always been quoted by both believers and non-believers alike that this is the ultimate form of love especially for couples.

Looking at verses 4 - 8, we can see it in another way by replacing the word love with your own name. Am I, Jeffrey, patient? Am I kind?

The question to ask myself as a Christian is, am I filled with the Holy Spirit? Am I emulating God's love? I know I cannot be perfect, but am I even trying? That is the biggest question. I know my flaws and I acknowledge them. Every day, every week, every month, every year, I struggle and try my hardest to always be right in the eyes of the Lord cause I love him, and I want to be his faithful servant.

At the end of the day, I do want to have a partner in this lifetime. I do want to start a family. I want somebody to love and to be loved by somebody. However, I also understand I'm not a great person. Heck, I would give girls reasons not to date me.

I'm not rich, I'm not handsome or macho, I'm not smart, I'm not an entrepreneur or a CEO, I don't have a property nor do I drive fast cars and I grew up in a broken family.

The only thing  I can promise is, faithfulness in God, faithfulness in a partner, family is my top priority, and that I'm genuine when it comes to caring for people I care about.

I'm already 31 years old, so let's see where God leads me, who He puts in my life, and who I will meet. One thing is for sure, as much I would like a romantic life, I'm looking but I'm not desperate, nor am I rushing.

Protecting Students

Working with an NGO and from my personal experience, I really see how some people are so unequipped and unaware on prevention, cyber wellness and cyber bullying specially in schools.

Someone joined my sister's online class every day, using her name but never turn on their camera. The fella took a screenshot of her and then used it to make an Instagram account to impersonate her. It caused her an emotional ride for a few weeks and she didn't felt safe.

So this was what happen:
1) Some teachers took personal actions to check who is coming into the class and removing unwanted people.

2) One teacher said it was alright to let such a person attend the class and that my sis is just sensitive.

3) Calling up the headmistress, she said it was just a 'prank' and kept insisting to both my mum and I that its nothing to be worried about that kids are just playing a fool. I'm sure she will say differently if it was her own child.

I found out that for the whole duration of the study from home, they have been suing the same password, same link and some rooms doesn't even need approval. I cannot understand how hard it is to manage. Just changing the online class password and link would have been a step to solving the issue but no, they wanted to discuss it a few weeks later on what action to take.

So in total, it took about a month plus to resolve the issue which I guess is how most schools deal with any form of bullying. SLOW. If a student were to post something to defame the school it would have been settled the next day.

Not bashing the teachers, the school or the administrations but seriously, our sense of urgency and priorities are really lacking in our education. We care more about prestigious, the number of excellent students we can churn out and the name of the students.

Belated 23rd Birthday Post

Well, this was suppose to be my personal birthday post but well, I've been procrastinating.

Since my last post, I just turn 23 just last month and I feel the need to be more mature and responsible. Doing my assignments, my final year project, training with the softball society, making time to serve in church, helping in building a new ministry in church, spending time with my friends and family and to always be ready to give a helping hand or a listening ears to others.

I think to say that with many people coming and going in my life, I'm glad to meet so many people in my life. So I've decided to write a short post of some of the experience I found interesting and on the people I've meet.

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I've been experiencing many things especially during my internship. Stuff like how the industry function, what people do, how it is done, why, how adverts have to go through censorship, the different terminology and much more. Just take note that I did not get any special treatment. I got proper projects and have to learn to us a Mac and Final Cut Pro editing software in a few hours on my first day.

Thought it was hectic, I guess I do not have any regrets for interning at this company but I definitely might not want to work in this industry. It really does give me the understanding on how stress the post production house are. Despite the stress, I guess laughter and jokes was the only thing keeping most of the people from going nuts. Example, posing with me while I was sleeping at my workstation.

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In college, there is a group of students calling themselves the Awesome group!!! It consist of students with many different personalities and character. We went through a hell loads of assignments, completing our Diploma, going through our Degree, some even plan to study overseas in the future (one went to Ireland instead).

In Genting Klang, Prima Setapak which is now like a 2nd home to me, there are Gazo (aka Panda), Ee Ching (my balcony chit chat buddy), Amber, Rex, Evans, Edward (have the most Gundam), Khai Cheng, (Ksea or KC) and Chew Poh. They build loads of Gundam,Valvrave and One Piece models too. I'm actually interested to see them build a wall out of the Gundam boxes XD. The one thing I love about their house is balcony. Here, I can see the sun, enjoy the wind and to just relax and quiet down my heart.

There are also Guan Fung (the most joyful person), Lance (DoTA player), Cherry and Timothy. Even new friends like Eunice and Chin Keat have join our group!!!

In the class there used to be the 3 J's. Me, Jaymie and Jocelyn (4 J's if you count Hooi Joe Ee :P). I remember a time where we wanted to group together for our English presentation. Sadly the class "begged" us to reconsider. Hahaha.

Me and Jocelyn were apparently called the "genius" or the most "hardworking" one among our groups of friends. True or not, compared to her, I'm just too tired to fight through my final semester of degree. Jocelyn is always very responsible and it was almost impossible to make her skip a lecture. If you need help/ advice, she will be there to listen and talk to you. On a side note, SHE IS THE FIRST TO GET MARRIED IN OUR GROUP!!! (-_-)

Then there is Jaymie, whom to me is someone I can call my best/ close friend (to me). She is a very fun and bubbly person with an awesome fashion sense. She can also be very caring towards the peoples she cares about.
Truth to be told, thanks to her being straight forward and honest to me on so many occasions, she actually did put some sense into me (I'm really glad she did). I tend to always remember the Domo she always bring around. Even in photos, that Domo is so noticeable XD

There is many things I could talk about my college mates but then it will be like writing a book thicker than an Oxford dictionary.

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As long as I can remember, I've attended Melawati Gospel Centre. The youth numbers are smal, but we try to make do with what we have.  Its thanks to being around this people, and to those who took time and effort to help me, I was able to overcome my depression in my early years of secondary school.

Here is also where I meet friends who were interested in hiking. I'm so glad because I got the experience to hike up one of the most awesome hill in KL. Tabur!!! I even did my first 10km run with this people.

I guess the greatest thing I could experience here is to serve God in many ways. As a drummer, in the youth committee, camp committee, maintaining the church PC and helping out in various ministries to just spread not only the Gospel, but also the love of God to others.

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There is my childhood friends, Yap Sern and Zarrah. This two have always been by my side when I was so depressed and suicidal (yes, I was suicidal. find it in my old emo post. It was a phase. Sue me). We would always hang out until it was late at night/ early in the morning. Chatting away, playing video games, going for a night drive. When we were younger, we would grab our bikes or walk to the nearest 7-Eleven in the Melawati Town and getting an earful by the time we all got home.

I'm glad that even though its be so long since we meet and left our childhood, we are still close, trying to take time off from our busy schedule to meet each other and enjoy our time just like the old days.

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However, the greatest things about being 23 years old, is that I learned one very valuable lesson. DON'T BE PASSIVE!!!

So a passive person is someone who is someone who sacrifice their own preferences and needs, so that they can help others to meet their preferences and needs. There will be times in life when a person need to be passive, or, where being passive at that moment will allow one to build a positive relationship in the long run. The problem arises when they become consistently passive.

I was told about how people noticed how I treat myself, it really struck me to a realization. All this while I thought that being passive is good but actually, it was making it look like I'm their slave instead of a friend, that being overly passive is never a good thing. 

So not wanting to hurt  the people around me, and to fix this bad attitude of mine, I took time to sit quietly, and think about it. So helping others is something good but bad if it is killing me and making myself looks like I'm below my friends. Well, problem seems easy enough to solve. While reading and asking others about this topic (surprisingly everyone felt that I was being passive and never dared to tell me!!!), I found out that there should be a balance and I hope I could change this bad attitude of mine.

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Indeed, I'm blessed with meeting many people throughout my life. Experiencing many things with them, doing crazy stuff and learning together before we hit the working life. I pray that God will bring more people into my life.